WILDERNESS

Today we went kloofing! “Kloof” is the Afrikaans word for “canyon” and none of us knew exactly what kloofing entailed before today. Basically you do anything you can to get through a massive canyon—scamper from rock to rock, swim through pools of water, dive off ledges, trade your firstborn childf or a topographic canyon map. Anything. Our guide’s name was “Steve” and after traversing a canyon with him, I can only assume that “Steve” is a family name and he is related to Steve Irwin. I mean, Ellen DeGeneres is Ellen’s great-grandma and both are related to Ellen Page, so I am pretty sure that’s the way it works. Steve led us through a small piece of the largest rainforest in South Africa—he had the most immense knowledge about the environment and told us that raptors, crown eagles (the man-eating ones), and leopards all inhabit it. After a short hike, we arrived in the canyon where we were going to be kloofing. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful it was. Massive gorges surrounded us on either side and a river ran along the way through the middle. But the water in the river wasn’t like anything else I have ever seen before. The entire river contains a mineral called tannin that stains it to make it the color of a dark tea. I suggested we seize the chance and stage a Boston Tea Party reenactment, but nobody would sack up and be Thomas Hutchinson and there wasn’t a good place to build the harbor replica. Next time. The tannin in the water made it dark enough to perfectly reflect the canyon above it, and even though it was a strange color Steve said that it came from the mountains so as we swam through it we could drink it too.

The whole time we were kloofing, Steve told us these incredible stories about all the things he has seen and done here. With stories like this, there is a tipping point where being a bad ass turns into being a dumb ass. Now, in order to recognize when this moment came for Steve, you have to understand that we had a 2 week orientation to orient us with things about Africa that cannot be orientated from the states. The better part of this 2 weeks was devoted to informing us of the pitfalls and perils of driving to Namibia. They used scare tactics, propaganda and the KGB to drive their point home. In South Africa, the Namibia talk is the equivalent of the birds and the bees talk in America. Except scarier because there are no euphemisms—just straight up Namibia. We were all sat down in a big room and the head of our program, Quinton, told us horror stories about groups of students who decided to drive to Namibia…and never returned…Well they did return, but not by car. Some of these kids literally had to be airlifted out. Quinton made it clear that only degenerates and American study abroad students would think driving to Namibia was a good idea. Now fast forward to us kloofing through a canyon, 2 weeks later, with Steve at the forefront. About half way through the canyon we took a break and he chose this moment to inform us that not only did he drive to Namibia—he hitchhiked through Namibia…with his 7-year-old daughter as his travel companion. As soon as Steve said this, the look on everyone’s face was like a god had fallen. Or we had just realized that the man leading us through this canyon and telling us where it was “safe” to jump from 16 meter tall ledges into water was actually completely off his rocker. Or maybe even a Republican. I mean, who knows what else he was hiding? Miraculously, we made it through our kloofing experience and got to our hostel in a town called “Wilderness.” It’s on this expansive, untouched beach with lots of trees and foliage—points to the people who named this place. Not necessarily points for originality or irony, but points nonetheless.